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This Is What It’s Really Like to Not Want to Have a Child

It’s not like not wanting a side of broccoli

Kristen Tsetsi
7 min readJul 16, 2022
A real person’s real tweet about an existential feeling so heavy it can flatten your soul

For all of the differences between wanting and not wanting kids, one thing is similar: the intensity of the desire in either direction is never stronger than when that desire is threatened.

For example, someone who’s always wanted “kids, absolutely, when the time comes” probably doesn’t fully realize just how bad they’ve always wanted a child until the day they’re told their (or their partner’s) body isn’t likely to produce one.

Similarly, someone who’s “never wanted kids, thanks” becomes acutely aware of how completely devastating a child would be to their future happiness when they’re under pressure to have one.

The huge difference when it comes to those desires, though (aside from the opposite life goals), is in the reactions each camp gets if they share their feelings about their predicaments.

“I can’t have kids” gets you the kind of reaction you see here on GoFundMe, where thousands of dollars are being donated for IVF treatments:

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Kristen Tsetsi
Kristen Tsetsi

Written by Kristen Tsetsi

Author of the post-Roe v. Wade novel THE AGE OF THE CHILD. “A voice & perspective we rarely see in literature. Total page-turner." - Amazon Review

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