If I’m Lucky, I’ll Achieve My Dream the Day Before I Die

And not a day sooner

A few years ago my 48 year-old husband got the job he’d always wanted at one of the best companies he could work for. I’m happy he achieved his dream, but I also feel bad for him.

I feel bad for most people who realize their Big Dream and still have 30 or more years to live.

It’s probably misplaced sympathy, and I could be projecting, but any time I read the laments of people in their 20s or 30s who feel left behind by friends of theirs who are doing what they always wanted to do, I can’t help thinking it’s the Achievement Unlocked friends who should be envious.

After all, I have seen my husband, inarguably living his dream, enter quiet funks or have episodes of frantic existential angst as the doom-cloud swirling around him whispered, “Now what?”

In the movie Moonlight and Valentino, Kathleen Turner’s character says to her difficult-to-bond-with step-daughter (played by Gwyneth Paltrow), “It’s the possibilities that really get my juices flowing. Do you know the best moment of a kiss for me? Right before the lips touch.”

For as long I’ve been able to have crushes on boys, I’ve been a romantic. Whatever it was that caused my fixation on a boy also brought with it powerful moments of…