Society and a Middle-Aged Woman Meet at a Diner
And have an honest conversation
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SOCIETY is already seated when MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN (MAW) enters the diner. Society watches her approach and sit down.
SOCIETY: I’m pleased we’re doing this. I know you’ve been wanting to get something off your chest, and —Yes, it is a bit of a crepey situation, isn’t it.
MAW: Sorry?
SOCIETY: (reaching across the table to poke her décolletage) See, there, how it dimples? It should cave. But don’t panic! You came to me for a reason, and I’m here to help.
MAW: But —
SOCIETY: Famous women over 50 advertising skin serums show that very, very, very bright light exposure on the face erases visible wrinkles, pores, and flesh while emphasizing that you do still have a mouth, nostrils, and irises.
MAW: That wasn’t what I …Thank you, but I — It’s… I’ve been feeling lost, is the thing. I’m almost 50 — Not almost-almost, but closer to 50 than 40, anyway, and — (to server) Coffee, please. Two sugars.
SOCIETY: Tch! If you want to look even remotely young at 50, you won’t want annny of that sugar. Nonono.
MAW: Oh? But that’s — (to server) Excuse me…Thanks, sorry. I’ll still want the sugars when you bring the coffee, please. (to Society) I’ve started to realize that some of the big biggies I used to think were theoretical aren’t theoretical after all. At all. They’re actually real. Like (voice quavering), what if my husband —
SOCIETY: Oh, sweetheart.
MAW: (eyes welling with tears) I must think about it a couple of times a week. Not on the floor in the fetal position, or anything, but I do think, “My god, he could actually — ”
SOCIETY: Sweetheart. Listen. You cannot go down that road. Don’t imagine the worst. But if he does leave you for someone younger, remember: very, very bright lights. Do also avoid matte foundations, dear, and —
MAW: “— have a heart attack,” I was going to say. Liam could have a heart attack. Two of my friend’s husband’s friends just had heart attacks, and we’re all the same age. Liam and I used to cut class together in high school and now I’m worried he’ll have a heart attack while he’s…
