These aren’t the reasons I didn’t have children.

There are reasons to not have children, and there are benefits of not having them. There’s a difference.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Women who don’t have children by choice are often asked why they don’t want them.

I understand this question, because expressing a lack of desire to have a child isn’t the norm. People are curious. That’s fine. I’m curious about things, too, and I ask questions all the time.

But those who choose to answer the question can inadvertently give the wrong impression if the phrasing isn’t precise.

Phrasing is important. Take this phrasing, for example:

“You can be happy even if you don’t have children.”

This establishes the baseline of happiness as something that’s automatically achieved when one has children.

Look at the difference when it’s put this way:

“You can be happy even if you have children.”

See? Now having children is understood as the generally unhappy choice (you *can* be happy, but…first you need these life hacks!).

So when I, at least, talk or write about the reason I didn’t want and don’t have kids, it’s important to me to word my answer in a way that…