Why didn’t “Grace” respect Aziz Ansari’s verbal and physical cues?

Let me begin by saying that I understand why some women might be inclined to immediately mistrust, even fear, some men.

I’m not unfamiliar with what it’s like to have uncomfortable sex- or gender-related encounters with people considered more powerful. I’ve been there. I understand weird power dynamics, and I understand women can sometimes fear men. And I know one individual’s personal experience cannot be compared to another’s, that what makes one person uncomfortable won’t necessarily affect another person. I get all that, I promise.

But nor does one’s personal discomfort or displeasure necessarily — or even often — qualify as proof of another person’s misconduct.

If a man is standing ten feet away from me and I don’t like it because I feel threatened, that doesn’t mean he’s doing something wrong.

You may have read about a woman named “Grace” and her unarguably awkward date with actor Aziz Ansari, which became a widely read story by Katie Way.

Defenders of Ansari are being told we’re wrong to defend him, that we don’t understand the complexity of sexual coercion, that “no” is more complicated than “no.”

I agree that “no” as a sentiment can be more complicated, but not that it-is-no-matter-what. And it…