“Why do you want children?” and other questions we aren’t supposed to ask

As a woman with a sound uterus that’s never hosted a pregnancy (by design), I’ve been asked with uninhibited frankness about my no-children choice.

I’ve had a relative say — not about me, of course, she assured me — that every person she knows who chose not to have children is selfish. Even one of my parents, before coming around to understanding how very, objectively wrong the comment was, said I was selfish to not want children.

I’m not the only childfree person who’s experienced this. Some have fielded far more offensive questions and judgments (which I won’t bother linking to, because a quick Google search will more than satisfy).

People feel alarmingly comfortable offering the childfree their judgments, asking their questions. To them, “Why don’t you want kids?” is as innocuous and common-sense of a question as “Why don’t you like chocolate?” To suggest something is wrong with, odd about, or troubling someone who doesn’t want at least one child is, to them, akin to saying, “But I don’t understand. Who doesn’t like chocolate? Do you have an allergy? A disease?”

And I get it. When having children is the norm, not having them is a curious thing.